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Hello #MonsterNation,
It’s your girl Elvira with some fangtastic news! Another ball has come and gone, but the questions surrounding the party still exist! Loyal fans of Monster Nation know that I’ve been trying to track down the ball’s mysterious Proprietor for many years. Who is The Proprietor? It’s the question we Monsters have been dying to know. Now, I promised all our loyal fans an exclusive you don’t want to miss, and I wasn’t kidding! I have found The Proprietor!….apparently. Why apparently, you ask?
Come closer and I’ll tell you. I have no actual recollection of this interview. Neither does my camera man, Carl. Though we’ve searched everywhere, we haven’t found any video footage we undoubtedly would have taken.
All that remains is the audio from our encounter. What you are about to read are the transcripts from our EXCLUSIVE interview with The Monster Ball Proprietor. Remember, you heard it here first!
xoxo
***
[rustling can be heard]
Elvira– Carl, I see movement! Are we recording?
Carl– We are green. Camera’s rolling.
Elvira–I’m coming to you live from an undisclosed location as we await the arrival of the creator of The Monster Ball! You heard that right boys and gouls. If our sources are correct, we’ll soon be face to face with the elusive creator of the Monster community’s hottest event of the year. You heard that right, The Proprietor! How did I figure it out? That’s one secret I’ll never tell.
[shuffling and muffled curses can be heard]
Elvira–Dammit, Carl! My dress is caught on this branch. A little help please?!
[the sounds of the camera jostling and a twig snapping can be heard]
Elvira – Thanks, Carl.
[a screen door slams shut and the sound of feet rapidly moving on stairs is audible]
Proprietor – Are you fucking kidding me? Elvira, are you seriously hiding in my bushes?
[camera jostling, branches snapping and delicate curses are heard]
Elvira – Ow. That’s right! It’s your girl, Elvira. But you already knew that. What our audience doesn’t know, is who you are. But that’s all—
[a single snap can be heard. Then the sounds of cupboards slamming shut]
Elvira – Where are we?! Are we in your kitchen?
Proprietor -Yeah, because I’m going to let you out me on my front lawn, Elvira.
[a chair topples and the sound of broken glass can be heard]
Elvira–I KNEW you were The Proprietor! I’ve got so many questions. Why do you keep your identity a secret? If I was throwing a party as spectacular as yours, I’d make sure everyone knew it was me—
Proprietor – Elvira, I swear to the gods….. If you say one more word before I’ve finished my coffee, I. Will. Kill. You!
Elvira – I’ll just clean this up while I wait.
Proprietor – Don’t bother. I’ve got it.
[another snap rings through the room]
Elvira – Well, that’s handy.
Proprietor – Magic. Remember? Now, go sit your ass on my couch and leave me in peace for five minutes and I’ll give you your damn interview.
[heels click along the floor]
Proprietor – Seriously? Take Carl with you! And don’t snoop through my shit!
***
Elvira – Are you ready?
Proprietor – Almost. Just need my…
[snap sounds loudly]
Proprietor – Blanket. There. I’m ready now.
Elvira–Do you have to snap to work your magic?
Proprietor – No. I just like being a little extra sometimes. I mean, you’ve heard of the extravagance that is The Monster Ball. Need I say more?
Elvira – Well, let’s get started shall we?
Proprietor – Wait. I have two rules. You will never tell anyone who I am. I’ll make sure of that, but I’m going to let you have this little interview in hopes that you will leave me alone after this. I have a life. I choose to remain anonymous for a reason. You will not disrupt my life again. Got it?
Elvira – Um, yes. Of course.
Proprietor – All right. Let’s get this over with. I’m a little grumpy. I just spent the night expending a lot of magic. I need to rest. And who the hell is awake at this hour anyway?
Elvira – You know, you’re not at all what I was expecting. I was anticipating someone more…
Proprietor – Glamorous? Would it make you feel better if I looked like this?
[snap followed by the rustling of fabric]
Elvira – Whoa! That red dress is to die for!
[snap. The sound of something dropping to a chair is heard followed by a snort and the sound of a spoon stirring in a glass]
Proprietor – I don’t dress like that all the time, Elvira. Who the hell wants to walk around in ballgowns every….er….Right, you do. I mean, you totally rock it. I just live a relatively low key life, well, aside from the ball.
Elvira – Now we’re back to the good stuff! You throw the Monster Community’s hottest event of the year! Why don’t you want people to know that you’re The Proprietor? You’re almost as famous as I am, but you don’t want anyone to know…
[ giggling sounds]
Elvira – It just doesn’t make any sense.
[a deep sigh and springs squeaking]
Proprietor – I don’t want to be famous. I guess some people think, throwing The Monster Ball must mean that I like attention, but it really quite the opposite. Everyone thinks of the perks of being “The Proprietor” but nobody ever stops to think about the downside.
Elvira – What could possibly be bad about the fame that would come with announcing yourself?
Proprietor – The Monster Ball as you have so eloquently put it is “the hottest event of the year,” but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily sanctioned. We do our best to keep the secret of Monsters but, just this year we had to handle two assassination attempts, multiple fights, and a rather unfortunate…. mess. Right now, we keep out the worst of the Monster Community. What do you imagine would happen to the ball if people knew how to find me? What do you imagine would happen to me?
Elvira – Wow. I suppose you’re right. I’ve never really thought about it from that perspective. Why don’t we try a fun question then? Why Halloween? You could have chosen any day, so why did you choose the day that’s so important to so many in the Monster Community? In the beginning, it couldn’t have been easy convincing people to come on such an important night.
Proprietor – That’s easy. It’s my birthday.
[something rattles on wood and muttering is barely discernable]
Elvira – The Monster Ball is your birthday party?!
Proprietor – Damnit, Elvira. Are you going to break everything in my house before you go?
[a long pause]
Proprietor – I can see the question swirling in those eyes of yours. Yes. The Monster Ball is essentially my birthday party.
Elvira – Why don’t you demand gifts? I’d sooooooooo demand gifts. You’d make out like a god.
Proprietor – Oh, trust me. Everyone who attends the ball gives me a little gift.
Elvira – What do you…
Proprietor – Nope. Hard pass on that one, Toots.
Elvira – But
Proprietor – Hard pass, Fool.
[a stomp can be heard before a soft thud]
Proprietor – Did you seriously just stomp your foot like a three year old? Carl, does that work for her often?
Carl – You’d be surprised.
[snorting]
Elvira – If you two are quite finished, I’d like to get on with this interview.
Proprietor – Don’t be so sensitive. Come on, hit me with your next question.
Elvira – The Monster Ball has a reputation for bringing a lot of people together. How do you manage so many matches each year?
Proprietor – Sorry Elvira, but to steal your own line… That’s one secret I’ll never tell.
Elvira – I should trademark that, but I don’t want to be perceived as cocky.
[laughter sounds]
Elvira – I know it’s not really a polite question, but what kind of Monster are you? The amount of magic required for the ball means that you must be very powerful, but sitting with you I can’t tell what exactly you are. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered someone like you before.
[a low whistle rings out]
Proprietor – Damn, girl. I can’t believe you went there. I am indeed a unique monster, but what is between my parents and myself. Since you have lady balls, I will give you a little something on this question though. The Monster Ball may be my baby, but I do have help. It requires the magic of three in order to be successful.
Elvira – You have help?! Who?
Proprietor – Sorry, Elvira. That’s not my secret to tell. Now, as much as I’ve enjoyed our time together, I think it’s time for us to be saying goodbye. Carl, you’re one weird, quiet dude. It was a pleasure, but I need some sleep before I turn into a raging witch.
[muffled sounds and heels click]
Elvira – Wait, I want you to know that I have decided to keep your secret.
Proprietor – Uh, what?
Elvira – Oh, don’t act so surprised. I’m not a total bat. Your little speech got to me. The Monster Ball is much better off if you keep your secret.
Proprietor – Wow. I really didn’t expect that from you, Elvira. I feel kinda shitty now to be honest. I want you to know that I really appreciate it, and when you realize what I’ve done, please know it was only as a precaution.
Elvira – When you do what?
Proprietor – This.
[a reverberating snap sounds]
***
Well, there you have it, boys and gouls. Our exclusive interview with The Monster Ball’s mysterious Proprietor! I hope we cleared up a few questions about the spooktacular event, and for all those questions that remain….. There’s always next year. You know you love me.
Xoxo
About NATASHA PRESTON
Heavenly Good Books 